The Secret Life of a Polite Teenager

All is not always as it first appears.

Exhibit A.

evidence

This, my friends, is evidence of my psychotic, Blue-tac-stealing past.

As you can see, exhibit A. clearly shows a WAD OF BLU-TACK, proof that as a small child in primary school (Elementary school) I was a crazy,deluded Blu-tack thief.

Each day, I would go to school to steal Blu-tack bit by bit over the year, and to think about the precious Blu-tack that teachers threw away without really knowing of the true beauty of Blu-tack. 

I am sad to say that though my Blu-tack stealing days were great, my collection is not what it used to be.

Most people might find this strange, but I think that it was just because Blu-tack is amazing. I just remembered my crazy Blu-tack stealing days, and they will be times I will cherish forever. I hope you will always cherish your childhood memories, no matter how strange they are.

And all of this from your friend or family member G-man, whom everyone in Oklahoma seemed to think was such a nice, polite teenager. Boy, did I have you fooled.

5 thoughts on “The Secret Life of a Polite Teenager

  1. You did have me fooled! I had no idea you’d steal from teachers… and so unrepentant too! But a very funny story, Bear!

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  2. I wasn’t and still amn’t (new word) fooled. Someone once observed that I like to color outside the lines, my response was “what lines?”. He said, “Exactly.” Welcome to the Clan – G-Man!

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  3. Oh, the things we love! This will become odder & odder to you as time goes by. Don’t be ‘sucked in’ by your Crazy Uncle Chris cultivating a “bad boy – color outside the lines” personae in his middle years. As a lad, he wore a tie to school, said Yes, Sir and No, Ma’m, and was everybody’s golden boy.

    Office supplies are to me what Blue Tac was to you; love ’em: bundles of paper, stacks of yellow legal pads, boxes of pens. I got hooked on the smell of pencil shavings and Big Chief notebooks my first day at school and have not recovered.

    Welcome to a den of thieves called the Human Race. GK

    PS: Found your wallet beneath my brown leather chair in the living room — you should receive it next Wednesday, 8/18.

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  4. Your escapades as the blue-tac bandit remind me of when I was a boy spending the summer with cousins. The farm next to their acreage had some twenty acres planted in cantaloupe. Several times after they were ripe and ready my cousins and I would crawl over a hundred yards on our bellies through chigger infested Johnson grass, under a barbed wire fence into the field and plunder several cantaloupes. Buster was our lookout since he could whistle through his teeth. Three short low whistles meant someone had come out of the house, keep low and beat a retreat.
    With glee we would meet at a culvert on the back road. We’d whip out our pocket knives and feast on our ill gotten gain. I can assure you that stolen cantaloupe taste much better than the sissy offerings at the Supermarket.
    My taste for cantaloupe and the memory of our adventures was not diminished by the fact that a few weeks later the farmer plowed under the whole crop under because the market prices were too low to harvest them.

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  5. Sherlock Holmes takes on the Blue-tac Bandit:
    “Well Holmes,” Watson says dryly. “What do you deduce from the crime scene? “
    “Elementary Watson, note only small amounts have been taken at a time to avoid detection indicating a clever thief. It was a boy otherwise he would have taken the Pink-tac, but possibly a man that isn’t man enough to wear pink. A foreign boy obviously since the Scots invented everything; Blue-tac would hold no interest to a local. And notice this tinge of orange,” Holmes said peering through his magnifying glass. Tasting the faint dusting of orange powder on his finger Holmes said, “Ah ha, as I thought. Defiantly the taste of those gold fish crackers sold only in the USA. A grandmother is no doubt complicit in this caper. “
    “How’s that Holmes?” Watson asked.
    “Only a doting grandmother would ignore the current exchange rate and extravagant postage to ship crackers through the Royal Mail,
    “Well Holmes you’ve done it again, I’ll call Inspector Lastrade to wrap this up. It shouldn’t be hard to find an American boy with high marks in this school that has a proclivity for imported crackers.”

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